I had a bit of feedback recently from a carer, referring to this column: ‘Can't you just get on with it', she said, I think in connection with what I see as my witty and erudite introduction. ‘Not so much of the pre-amble', she might have put it. ‘Cut straight to the amble'.

Another one to chalk up to experience. I do know - and have said as much on numerous occasions - that I am inclined to ramble, even when not properly dressed for it. Still, "Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely", I was once told, so I'll look again at my ‘words of wisdom'. Anyhow, I'd better get on with it.

In terms of learning from experience, perhaps more pertinent for carers is the expression, ‘Experience is what you get by not having it when you need it'. "It's been a long, long learning curve", says Ayesha, a Parent Carer from Gloucester. "The first few years were spent just coping. And then the realisation came that ‘just coping' wasn't going to be enough for my son or for me. I needed to get his needs met properly if we were going to have any sort of quality of life.

I needed to be more proactive, to find out about my son's rights and how best they could be met. I've had to challenge decisions at times and make sure I'm not blindly accepting what's told me - it's not always entirely accurate.

As a Carer you have to follow your instincts, seeking specialist advice when you feel something isn't right, rather than trusting what you're told, checking it out for yourself".

Who Knows Best

Ayesha's experience has resonances for Jane, from Prestbury, who has cared for her father for many years and has recently coped with the transition of his move into a care home.

"Life looking after my father has been quite a challenge - in particular, getting a simple, straight forward explanation of his medical condition. I was actually told at one point, ‘My dear, you don't have to worry too much about what it is', which is less than helpful, to say the least".

Jane believes that as a Carer, ultimately, you have to believe in yourself, get involved. "It's a two way process and the more input you have, the better ‘the system' will work for you and the person that you're caring for.

I've learned not to take everything at face value, particularly if I'm told, ‘There isn't an alternative'. If a salesman tells you, ‘This is the best deal', you look at alternatives and get as many views as possible in order to make an informed decision".

Ultimately, both Ayesha and Jane have had positive experiences of services and support that made a huge difference to them and those they care for. However, they both recognise that there are times they have to question and challenge what they've been told and assert their role as a Carer.

Perhaps the trick is knowing one situation from the other. One objective for Carers Gloucestershire is to work with statutory agencies on policy making, service planning and the shaping of services for Carers across the County. However, listening to your experiences as a Carer, to providing you with information, support and the help you need to make choices and decisions with confidence is equally important.

As for my input to this column, experience tells me to stick with what I do best - let someone else dispense the words of wisdom. So, I leave you with the thoughts of Laurence J. Peter who said, "There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience".

Enough said?